Goontown
Goontown is the game. You make a resident, walk out of town, and fight everything that has ever interrupted you: intrusive thoughts, pop-up ads, post-nut clarity, your mother. Time spent fighting is what earns Goon Power. This page gives the rules and the exact numbers the server uses.
The loop#
- Connect a wallet, sign a text message, make a resident.
- Leave town through the gate in the plaza and pick a zone you are high enough level for.
- Click an enemy to start stroking it. Tissues fly. Click the next one when it dies: nothing is automatic, so an idle tab earns nothing.
- Manage your Edge, use your skills, step out of boss slams, drink when you are low.
- Kills pay XP, Tissues and drops. Spend Tissues on weapons, charms, drinks and enhancements, then go somewhere harder.
Edge#
Every stroke adds 7 Edge (less with a control charm). Damage is multiplied by 1 + Edge / 100, so a stroke at 100 Edge hits twice as hard as one at 0. From 70 up you are in the goon zone. Edge drains at 6 per second once you stop hitting things for 2.5 seconds.
At 100 you Bust whether you meant to or not. A Bust hits everything within 2.6 tiles for grip × 5 × Edge / 100, and then you have Post-Nut Clarity: 3.5 seconds if you chose it, 6 if you did not. During clarity your damage is multiplied by 0.4 and Edge stays at 0. The skill is staying high without going over, and letting go on purpose when a crowd is standing next to you.
| Skill | Key | Unlocks | Cooldown | What it does |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Edge | 1 | Level 1 | 7s | Pull back. Lose 35 Edge and hit 25% harder for 4 seconds. This is the whole discipline. |
| Death Grip | 2 | Level 3 | 5s | One heavy hit for 2.8x damage. Builds 14 Edge. Doctors advise against it. |
| Tissue Storm | 3 | Level 6 | 9s | 1.4x damage to your target and everything within 2 tiles of it. Builds 10 Edge. |
| Bust | 4 | Level 1 | 2s | Let go. Damage to everything around you, scaled by Edge. Then: clarity. Needs 40 Edge. |
Strokes land every 640 ms before gear and lotion, from up to 3.4 tiles away. Critical strokes (8% base) hit for 1.8×. Out of combat for 5 seconds, you recover 5% of your stamina per second. At zero stamina you get caught and wake up in your cave; nothing is lost.
How fighting becomes Goon Power#
A second counts as active when you damaged an enemy within the previous 4 seconds. Active seconds are credited to the session category of Goon Power, with diminishing returns through the day:
| Active time today | Goon Power |
|---|---|
| 1 min | 0.5 |
| 10 min | 5 |
| 30 min | 12 |
| 1 h | 20 |
| 2 h | 30 |
| 4 h | 40 |
| beyond that | +2.5 per hour, capped at 45 |
Between the rows it is interpolated. The first hour is worth the most; the cap takes most of a day to reach. Everybody is on the same curve whatever their level: a level 1 in the Hallway earns Goon Power at the same rate as a level 60 in the Monastery.
Daily bounties
| Bounty | Goal | Goon Power |
|---|---|---|
| Clear the Queue | Defeat 60 things that are no more than 6 levels beneath you. | 10 |
| Crowd Pleaser | Finish off 20 enemies with Bust. Timing is everything. | 10 |
| Uninvited Guest | Help take down a zone boss (do at least a tenth of the work). | 10 |
Bounties use the daily-challenge category (3 a day, 30 GP cap). With fighting and bounties both maxed, a day is worth 75 raw Goon Power before the knee, streak and global cap described in Goon Power. Nothing in the game can exceed the global cap of 100.
Zones and enemies#
The Hallway (level 1+)
| Enemy | Level | HP | Hits for | XP | Tissues |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Dust Bunny | 1 | 30 | 3 | 6 | 0 to 2 |
| Intrusive Thought | 2 | 48 | 5 | 10 | 1 to 3 |
| Laundry Pile | 4 | 90 | 8 | 19 | 2 to 5 |
| The Roommate (boss) | 6 | 900 | 15, slam 34 | 240 | 30 to 50 |
Tab Jungle (level 7+)
| Enemy | Level | HP | Hits for | XP | Tissues |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Pop-up Ad | 7 | 150 | 11 | 34 | 3 to 7 |
| Buffering Wheel | 9 | 215 | 14 | 46 | 4 to 9 |
| Cookie Banner | 11 | 300 | 18 | 62 | 5 to 11 |
| The Algorithm (boss) | 13 | 3,400 | 30, slam 70 | 850 | 90 to 140 |
Clarity Desert (level 15+)
| Enemy | Level | HP | Hits for | XP | Tissues |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Dry Spell | 15 | 440 | 24 | 92 | 7 to 14 |
| Clarity Wraith | 18 | 600 | 31 | 124 | 9 to 18 |
| Regret | 21 | 780 | 38 | 156 | 11 to 22 |
| Post-Nut Clarity (boss) | 24 | 9,500 | 62, slam 150 | 2,600 | 240 to 360 |
NoFap Monastery (level 26+)
| Enemy | Level | HP | Hits for | XP | Tissues |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| NoFap Novice | 26 | 1,080 | 48 | 215 | 14 to 28 |
| Cold Shower Elemental | 30 | 1,450 | 60 | 285 | 18 to 34 |
| Day 90 Streaker | 34 | 1,900 | 74 | 365 | 22 to 42 |
| MOM (boss) | 40 | 32,000 | 120, slam 320 | 9,500 | 900 to 1300 |
Enemies are shared: everyone in the zone sees and fights the same ones. Anyone who does at least 10% of an enemy's health gets full XP and their own loot roll, so helping never costs anyone anything. Bosses wind up a slam and mark the floor first. Walk off the marked tiles. An enemy more than 5 levels below you pays 8% less XP per extra level, down to 10%.
Levels#
Each level adds 2 grip and 12 stamina. Level n starts at round(45 × (n − 1)^2.1) XP: level 5 at 827, level 15 at 11,484, level 40 at 98,730, level 99 (the cap) at 683,577.
Gear, enhancing and the shop#
Two slots: a weapon and a charm. Most gear is sold at the Lotion Depot and also drops from enemies; the best pieces only drop from bosses. A weapon can be enhanced from +1 to +10. Each level adds 8% of its base grip and costs Tissues and Odd Socks: +1 costs 40 Tissues and 2 socks, +10 costs 2,066 and 20. Enhancing never fails. The shop buys things back at 25% of list price.
| Item | Price | Effect | Level |
|---|---|---|---|
| Bottle of Water | 5 Tissues | Restores 30% stamina | 1 |
| Gamer Electrolytes | 16 Tissues | Restores 70% stamina | 1 |
| Bottle of Lotion | 24 Tissues | 25% faster strokes for 60s | 1 |
| Cold Shower Voucher | 20 Tissues | Ends Post-Nut Clarity | 1 |
| Odd Sock | 9 Tissues | Enhancement material | 1 |
| Crusty Sock | 80 Tissues | +4 grip | 1 |
| Lotion Glove | 420 Tissues | +10 grip, 5% faster | 5 |
| The Stranger | 1100 Tissues | +18 grip | 10 |
| Death Grip Gauntlet | 3200 Tissues | +30 grip | 17 |
| Massage Gun | 7500 Tissues | +44 grip, 10% faster | 25 |
| Mom's Wooden Spoon | Drop only | +62 grip | 36 |
| Lucky Tissue | 150 Tissues | +3% luck | 1 |
| Stress Ball | 500 Tissues | 15% slower Edge | 4 |
| Blue Light Glasses | 900 Tissues | +60 stamina | 8 |
| Incognito Mask | 2600 Tissues | +40 stamina, +6% luck | 12 |
| Edging Hourglass | Drop only | 5% faster, 30% slower Edge | 22 |
| The Golden Sock | Drop only | +20 grip, +120 stamina, +8% luck | 30 |
| Questionable Rug | 120 Tissues | +3 comfort | 1 |
| Emotional Support Plant | 90 Tissues | +2 comfort | 1 |
| Lava Lamp | 160 Tissues | +3 comfort | 1 |
| Tissue Tower | 220 Tissues | +4 comfort | 1 |
| The Sock Drawer | 260 Tissues | +4 comfort | 1 |
| Humidifier | 340 Tissues | +5 comfort | 3 |
| Bean Bag of Regret | 480 Tissues | +6 comfort | 5 |
| Participation Trophy | 900 Tissues | +8 comfort | 8 |
| LOCK IN Poster | 110 Tissues | +2 comfort | 1 |
| Framed Green Candle | 190 Tissues | +3 comfort | 1 |
| Photo of Mom | 150 Tissues | +3 comfort | 1 |
| RGB LED Strip | 300 Tissues | +5 comfort | 2 |
| Shades | 280 Tissues | Cosmetic | 1 |
| Tinfoil Hat | 380 Tissues | Cosmetic | 1 |
| RGB Headset | 850 Tissues | Cosmetic | 4 |
| Halo of Clarity | 1500 Tissues | Cosmetic | 8 |
| Crown | 2600 Tissues | Cosmetic | 12 |
| Post-Clarity Robe | 600 Tissues | Cosmetic | 3 |
| Business Casual | 1200 Tissues | Cosmetic | 6 |
| Hazmat Suit | 2000 Tissues | Cosmetic | 10 |
| Golden Tissue Box | 2,500 GOON (burned) | +10 comfort | 1 |
| The Throne | 5,000 GOON (burned) | +12 comfort | 1 |
| Golden Crown | 10,000 GOON (burned) | Cosmetic | 1 |
Furniture goes in your cave. Each point of comfort adds 1% to the Tissues that drop from kills, up to 50%. It does nothing for XP or Goon Power.
Daily quests
3 a day from this pool, the same for everyone. They pay Tissues and XP, not Goon Power.
| Quest | Goal | Tissues | XP |
|---|---|---|---|
| Warm-Up | Defeat 25 enemies. Stretch first. | 40 | 80 |
| The Long Session | Defeat 120 enemies. Pace yourself. | 110 | 260 |
| Strong Finish | Finish 8 enemies with Bust. | 50 | 100 |
| Touch Grass | Touch grass 5 times. It will not bite. Probably. | 25 | 30 |
| Hydro Homie | Drink 3 drinks. Your kidneys filed a complaint. | 25 | 40 |
| Human Contact | Say 3 things out loud. To other people. | 20 | 30 |
| Leave The Cave | Visit 4 different places. Outside counts. | 25 | 30 |
| Call Your Mother | Talk to Mom. The one in the plaza. The nice one. | 15 | 20 |
| Supply Run | Buy anything at the Lotion Depot. Keep the receipt. | 20 | 30 |
| Equipment Maintenance | Enhance a weapon once. Take care of your tools. | 40 | 60 |
Premium items burn GOON
Three items cost GOON instead of Tissues. Buying one burns the tokens from your own wallet in a transaction you sign, tagged with a one-time memo. The server gives you the item only after it has seen that exact burn on-chain. Nobody receives the tokens. They are furniture and a hat: they do not raise damage or Goon Power. The counter stays closed until the token exists.
Fair play and limits#
- The server owns every enemy, every hit and every roll. The client only says what you are trying to do; it cannot report damage, position or loot.
- The game can still be played by a script. The caps bound what a script earns to what a person earns; see Risk disclosures.
- The game asks for a wallet address and a name. No email, no camera, no uploads, no proof of anything you do away from the keyboard.
- Chat is filtered, rate limited and not stored.
- It is a cartoon for adults. All of it is a joke; none of it is explicit.